Not so fast Slash and Buckethead. Dr. Pepper has agreed to give everyone in America one free can of Dr. Pepper, on one condition: the 17-years-in-the-making Guns N’ Roses album “Chinese Democracy” has to come out some time in 2008. Here’s Axl’s response.

Who needs a movie? Getting Married? Got a web site? Fund raising? Commercials? Selling something? Movies can make your life go better!!

I was just discussing with The Misses the other day about this damned Calvin-pissing-on-things phenomenon. Why Calvin? Why is he pissing on things? He never did that in the comics. Where’s Hobbes? Shitting on my bushes? Owning one of these stickers is just another item on the list of things that instantly tell me we’ll never be friends.

What a couple of real winners we have here.

“Floyd Bebee, a father of eight, said that he has a tattoo on the back of his head reading “Got-R-Did.” The ink on his forehead cost $125 and took about 45 minutes to complete, Bebee said, adding that he was the family trendsetter when it it came to such head art. Bebee, who does odd jobs like home remodeling and demolition, said that his wife had a succinct response to his forehead ink: “You crazy,” she said. Bebee noted that since his son’s eyes are open in his mug shot, the photo does not reveal a hidden surprise: Justin has the words “Fuck” and “You” tattooed on his eyelids.”

Aww yeah! Baby got… DAMN! That shit is nasty!

See if you know which phrases that bumbling, moaning, whining, windbag that wraps up 60 Minutes really said. God, I loathe that man.

I also can’t see Andy Rooney without thinking of the Beavis and Butthead episode where Beavis did his Andy Rooney impression. So I set out on a mission to find it. Viacom has brought down all the B&B videos on YouTube and the DVD’s of the show had the music videos removed. I finally found a torrent of the show, with music videos, and clipped out the section. One of the highlights of television history.

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“I’m gonna set the throttle lock.” Dumbass.

Can you imagine being the cop that has to investigate this?

“A 38-year-old Cole Avenue man reported that his home was invaded on Sept. 9. The man said he was sitting home alone masturbating and watching a pornographic movie when a man came down into the basement, holding a gun, and started to videotape him. The man said that before he left, the intruder fed his dog some mushrooms and the dog died.”

This might the worst shaming ever.

Details.com has come up with a genius way to make already hilarious Cragislist ads even better. Put them to music. They’ve already done Brush My Hair and To the Guy I Caught Masturbating. There also looking for suggestions.

It appears Evangeline Lilly, who plays Kate on Lost, used to be on the other end of Live Links. Or is this a clue about the plot of Lost. Is this the future or the past?! Dammit!

This is a real scene. From a real movie. That someone sold. For money.

I thought the Ghost Riding phenomenon was over. Then these guys brought it back in style. OK…. a guy with a prosthetic foot falls over, so just watch.

Most people, when posed with the question of what their marriage is worth to them, would be at a loss. For Lauren Cleary the answer is $100,000. Minus taxes. The icing on the cake: she doesn’t even win it.

Looks like a waiter/cook prank that backfired.